28 - A New Chapter Begins

I got a new journal for my birthday from someone very close and special to me. This is my first entry.

Shannon Hoon Cont.

Heres a journal page I did a while back.

Shannon Hoon

My interest and fascination with Shannon Hoon and Blind Melon has grown throughout this process. He died just 25 days after his 28th birthday. Almost exactly my age right now (in a week). He just missed the 27 club, not that I think he was shooting for death. His death was accidental and very tragic (cocaine overdose). Out of the 4 surviving members of the band at the time, 3 were 27 years old. We cannot ignore the fact that this age holds importance.

I am not exactly sure what it is about Hoon in particular that captures me. At this time I can’t even say that I know much about him, but I am always brought back to his music and wanting to find out more about his life. I remember sitting in my room as a kid when the video for “No Rain” came on my TV. It must have been in 92 or 93, so I was 10 years old. I was just starting to notice boys I and remember thinking how good looking he was. His hair was as long as mine was at the time though, so I felt a little odd about this “crush”, considering he almost had a girlish look to him. So I never told anyone. Looking back now, he was not “girlish” at all, that was just my perception of things at that age. 

He had a very late 60’s look and style to him which was probably a pre-cursor to my love of that era and the look of the so-called “hippies”. Once i reached a certain age, I knew in the back of my head that I would always look for a guy that was more of the artist/musician type than the jock type. I may not have always dated guys like this, but I always had an obsession with guys like this. I like guys who don’t give much of a fuck about how they are perceived by other people - at least in the sense of not shaping to what “society” seems to think men should look and act like. 

There is something about his music and delivery of vocals and harmonies that just rips at me from the inside. And yes, I know “No Rain” is their most popular song (I am making note here cause I am sure hardcore fans will roll their eyes at me and say there are so many other songs they did that are better. And yes, I agree. I feel the same way about bands that I am a hardcore fan of), but I can honestly see why so many people enjoy listening to that song in particular. It always puts me in a great mood but it tears at my heart at the same time. I mean for someone to admit “ I just want someone to say to me, I’ll always be there when you wake ” ... it is simple in its wording, but there is a raw honesty there that he seemed to reveal in many of his lyrics (“I’ll scratch a hole in my life so everyone can see”). If I play that song when I am having a shitty day, it always turns me around, even if in just that moment. I believe that is what good music is meant to do. Make you feel.

Here is the "No Rain" video. Watch it and I promise you will smile. Hoon's style, his movements, his body, the hair... that was one beautiful man.

   

What drives me.

One thing I have noticed about myself is that once I become interested in a type of art or music, I become enthralled with knowing about the person behind the art. Especially if they are dead. Maybe it is because they become a great mystery to me - knowing I can never meet them and get to know them myself. They become an obsession of idolization - over something I can’t obtain or experience in person. 

In the past, when I have felt this way over someone living, once I meet them - the mystery slowly fades. Maybe this love of the dead comes from my obsession with the unknown. I like the idea that there are unseen forces at work, that there are things that exist, yet I can’t touch or see them. It leaves open the possibilities of discovery for me. There is so much to uncover and experience that it keeps my thirst for life and quest for knowledge alive.